A Cat’s Letter To Santa

Dear Santa,

I am a five year old cat. I live in a nice house that comes with three suitable humans who cater to my needs moderately well. While I do appreciate the catnip and treats that are left under the tree every year I thought I’d write you a letter to let you know what I would really want for Christmas.

-Stripes

 

New Scratcher

Sofa scratcher
From user kinggrl

My current scratcher has been worn out. For some reason my human companions also sit on it from time to time and show displeasure when I use it. My new scratcher should be cotton fabric (corduroy pattern is nice) and full of white stuffing that I can pull out when the mood suits me. Wicker versions are ok too.

 

 

Feet Under Sheets

Feet Under SheetsFrom user jafsegal

Please give me two sets of feet under a nice comfy blanket. I prefer one set to lean up against and keep warm at night and the other set to pounce upon. I would like the first set to stay absolutely still and provide proper lower back support so I will be ready for my morning meal at 5 am. The other set should move ever so slightly approximately every 2 minutes. This will allow me (when I desire) to pounce/scratch/bite/claw and play to my heart’s content.

 

Belly Rubs

Belly RubsFrom user ddfic

Santa, I would like more belly rubs this year but spread out over time. I do not know why my human servants want to give me multiple belly rubs all at once. I would like one soft belly rub from my chin to the middle of my stomach.  Pressure should be light with minimal fingernails used. This should be followed by light scratching behind my ears. Anything else could result in bites and hind leg kicks.

 

New Gift Mat

Gift MatFrom user athomeinscottsdale 

I know that giving is more important than receiving. I would like a new mat to present gifts to my humans. I think the current mat does not properly display my safari trophies. My humans immediately threw away the past trophies I presented and I think it was the mat’s fault. I think a new gift mat will properly showcase my efforts.

 

New Christmas Tree

Christmas TreeFrom user chealsea_nj 

Ribbon; dangly things;  branches for climbing- Christmas trees are obviously made for cats.  In the past, satisfactory  trees were displayed for my pleasure.  However, in recent years the small colored cat toys that hang from the tree have been placed higher on the tree out of my reach. Subsequent efforts to climb up to the level of the toys have resulted in unwanted water jets to my nose. As you can see, my current Christmas tree is broken and I need a new one. Or you can get me this.

 

The Game: Knock Stuff Over

Knock Stuff OverFrom user quinnanya 

I used to be able to sit on top of a counter, shelf or book case and amuse myself by knocking things off (which my humans would very nicely put back up so I could continue the game). But recently, they have stopped wanting to play with me and have removed all breakable items from my area. I would love this game as it is my favorite way to spend an afternoon.

 

 

Desk Bed

Reflexology bedFrom user saaby 

This is my most favorite place to sleep (but only when humans are also using it).

 

 

New Alarm Clock

Alarm ClockFrom user jkfjellestad

Finally I would like to ask for a gift for my humans. I do not think their current alarm clock is working. I have been responsible for waking them up at the proper time every morning so I may be fed on time (I am dangerously close to starving each morning). Please give the humans a new alarm clock set at precisely 5 am.

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Comments

  1. Oh wait? How do you know MY cats? LOL

  2. A.D. Farmer says:

    I would like an army of cups. They must be at least half way filled with tea (that is my favorite thing to knock over) and they must have straws in them. My people have recently stopped putting their cups on the counter and I think they’re running out.

  3. Loved it–my cats would agree with the entire list!

  4. Mollie's human says:

    Mollie would also like …
    Human legs to twine her way round. Ideally they would be walking, carrying things and – even better – in a dimly-lit room;
    Sainsbury’s carrier bags, especially if they might contain food. Bags-for-life give her more satisfaction as she can better demonstrate the sharpness of her claws;
    Her human to retire early to bed so that she can have more opportunity to chase her small white mouse up and down the landing when the house is quiet.

Trackbacks

  1. […] Okay, we know no matter what we get for our cats at Christmas (or any time of year), they’re going to prefer the box it came in, hands down.  But this post of a cat’s Christmas list is funny and adorable at the same time.  […]

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